What now?

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The sun shines beautifully amide fluffy white clouds.  Birds sing and gentle breezes blow my hair.  The day is pleasant.

Then suddenly, almost without warning the storm clouds gather, winds whip up ferociously and terror threatens my very core. And where do I go for shelter?  Where can I ride out the storm and be safe? Where is the promised peace in all of this?

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I sit and pray silently, “Oh Jesus help!” over and over because no other words come but those.

I recall stories I’ve heard, how one poor woman cried out for mercy as Jesus passed by, and He stopped, turned His attention to her in a stormy swirl that would not relent.  An impossible situation that she could do nothing about.  Her attempts at fixing it herself were hollow and left her empty.  All her efforts were futile.  She boldly cried out for help, not worrying what anyone would think about her.  That was over, trying to please others or be acceptable.  She was desperate and there was only One who could help her.

I feel it in my own heart.  Desperate.  I cry to the only One who can help me.

The darkness of the storm clouds threaten my joy.  How can I give thanks in this?  How do I count grace and gifts when I am brokenhearted, despairing, and tormented by “what if’s?”

I turn to the only Source I know, the place I’ve run so many times when tempests threaten.  And I am not disappointed.  His Word comforts.  He points me to places I’ve been before, to promises given in dangerous times, and He reminds me that He resurrected the dead.  Not just in centuries past but in my own life.

And He says, “Trust Me.”

But can I do that?  Can I turn my frenzied emotions, my breaking heart, my desperate soul to trust?  I must.  Is there any other place to go?  Who else has the words of life?  Who else calms my storms every single time?  Who else has power over any and all forces in this great expanse of creation?  Who else speaks and it is done?

What else, who else can I trust?  Nothing.  No one.

And my heart responds, faltering at first, the best I can offer.  My best is never enough I know.  His best is always enough.  I reach to the only One who claims my heart and gives me hope.  Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.

Trust.  In my questions.  In uncertainty.  In the dark.  In the storm.

I will trust You even now.

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